Frenemies

For as long as I can recall I have been the assertive friend. The one who shared her opinion without being asked for it. To the outsider observing my friendships, I was the strong arm. 💪🏽 The one who could take the beating, who probably stirred the pot and caused the controversy. The Bitch. But with that hard exterior came a supportive friend that would cry for you (even though it might be behind closed doors because I was embarrassed), thoughtful gifts, unwavering support in all your ventures.

Let us explore the truth and the role of the Frenemy, the wolf in sheep’s clothing. The friend who appears sugary sweet to those outside the friendship circle and sometimes to those inside the circle.

Frenemies are interesting social animals. Born, I suspect out of jealousy of the stronger personalities in the group. I chose to take the following description of frenemy from urban dictionary because this is the most applicable to those I have encountered, the smiling assassin.

I won’t describe all of the scenarios I’ve experienced with frenemies but what I will share is my disappointment in others to recognise their bad-minded ways.

What infuriates me most about my frenemy encounters is the insistence of those around me to forgive them for various reasons – she’s jealous, you’ve known her since you were 14, be the bigger person, cut her some slack, she’s so nice, you’ve forgiven others for less, she’s been through a lot. 🖐🏽

Stop right there. Just because I’m the battle axe in the group doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I’ve been through a lot. She’s known me for a long time. Why can’t she be a bigger person? Responsibility and reciprocation can and should be exercised in all friendships.

The problem with a frenemy is they are equal parts friend and enemy but with this they have access to your weaknesses that your run of the mill opponent does not. They’ve also been counted as one of your friends so they should have the dignity to not do things that fall outside the definition of friendship.

Why you often lose to the frenemy

When I was younger I would be smoking vexed that anyone would choose to befriend someone who had crossed me in the manner a frenemy had. But with the accumulation of grey hairs, I now realise why.

1. Frenemies are usually outwardly very sweet and charming. Usually in an OTT way that only very pessimistic people like myself can pick up on. This sweet persona is just that, a guise. Maybe your recognition (even if only on a subconscious level) of their role makes you a threat.

2. You and said frenemy don’t click but that doesn’t mean they can’t be supportive and genuine to others they don’t view as a threat.

3. Frenemies and their supporters who may also be your friends and acquaintances may attempt to make you feel bad for confronting the perpetrator for their crimes or for being upset. This is all part of their game. Don’t fall for it.

I wish the three frenemies of my past love and light for the lessons they’ve taught me. I realise it certainly wasn’t me, it was you.